I reported a year and a half ago that aliens had visited us. I mean the ones from outer space. More specifically, a spaceship crashed in the desert outside Las Vegas and three creatures managed to get out of the wreckage and make their way into a suburban backyard. Two of them were photographed holed up in a backhoe (see “They’re Here (Sort Of)”). I don’t know why a backhoe except that it was available and afforded a high position from which they could keep an eye (or two or three) on the curious humans gathering around. Also, apparently, the doors had locks. You need that feature in a backhoe.
The photographs back then showed small shadowy figures with the customary enlarged heads, wide eyes, and small noses and mouths. I’m guessing wherever they came from didn’t have quarter pounders. The story was a big deal for about a week, maybe two, and included interviews with the responding police officers, the owner of the backhoe and his family, and even an astronomer-physicist guy in a bowtie from UNLV. I could be wrong about the tie, maybe even the department. I’m pretty sure it was someone who wore a lab coat at least occasionally.
Then the story went away. I was sorry about that, since the description of the crash from “near eyewitnesses” (is this a real category?) reminded me of one of my favorite sci-fi movies growing up as a kid: Invaders from Mars (1953). In the movie, a spacecraft lands as the vanguard of an invading force. The Martians construct an underground bunker and command center. People get sucked into it, sometimes headfirst. Although there is no backhoe, the movie furnishes plenty of conspiracy theories, acts of betrayal, and the release of demonic forces, both conscious and unconscious. As the song goes, who could ask for anything more?
Well, I could. And did. I wanted to hear more about the creatures that had crash landed in the desert. Was it really a crash landing or a ruse meant to conceal an invasion force? Were people disappearing beneath the sands of Las Vegas? It wouldn’t be the first time. Suddenly, no one heard from the family or police. Rumors spread that a three-letter federal agency or two had taken over the case. And, yes, it had become a case. But then it got buried as if in those same sands.
I was crestfallen, as you can imagine. But now we have something new to focus on regarding aliens. It seems that they are patrolling the skies over New Jersey. Dozens of drones have been flying around the skies of the garden state (ever hear of Jersey Corn?), spying on civilians and military installations. No one knows where these drones come from, although there are plenty of theories.
Some have accused them of being from an Iranian “mothership” stationed off the sandy beaches of Long Beach Island. This, from a member of Congress, no less. Others blame the Chinese and cite the weather-spy balloon that went on a tour of the USA early last year. No one has blamed Vladimir Putin yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Lastly, there are the apocalyptic inclined, who have declared the end of the world.
I know why they’re here. You can rest assured that they’re not interested in colonizing the Earth because their home planet is being destroyed by (a) a plague, (b) a cataclysm, (c) rival aliens, (d) the death of their star. No, they are here for one simple reason. As my intermediate calculus textbook in college put it (I have never forgotten it), the answer should be “obvious even to the most casual observer.” What do Las Vegas and the Jersey shore have in common? Not to put too fine a point on it, let’s call it the Vegas Strip and the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
You guessed it: gambling. They’re here to gamble away their hard-earned credits, and their spaceship is the interstellar equivalent of a Greyhound Lucky Streak bus, meal vouchers and all. Is it any wonder that shifting a backhoe is a lot like working a one-arm bandit?
I know what you’re thinking. This time he’s lost his mind. Well, I haven’t. I’m just fed up with crazy. I was hoping that after the election we’d all settle down a bit. I still have hope, but maybe I’m the one with his head in the sand.
Image credits: Alex Shuper; 20th Century Fox-IMDB, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=47905832; Bruno Yamazaky. Want more? Click on Amazon top right or go to Robert Brancatelli. The Brancatelli Blog is a member of The Free Media Alliance, which promotes “alternatives to software, culture, and hardware monopolies.”
