I’d like to say my month-long absence was the result of a glamorous sabbatical—perhaps a Tuscan villa, a memoir draft, or a torrid affair with a minor European duchess. In truth, I spent most of it locked in mortal combat with a jar of artisanal pickles whose lid refused to yield. Somewhere between week two and week three, I began to suspect the jar was winning.”
Thus begins Smart (GPT-5)’s suggestion about how to construct my return essay about my summer vacation. The idea–tongue-in-cheek– was all mine, the execution all GPT-5’s. I decided not to go any further with the experiment for obvious reasons, even though I actually hurt my wrist trying to open a jar of red cabbage.
The AI paragraph reminds me of the high school article those of us with journalism aspirations would entitle “SEX,” followed by a colon on the other side of which was something about the prom, football team, or upcoming math olympiad. It usually kicked off with, “Now that I have your attention…”
Well, now that I have your attention, I will do no such thing except to say that, like all summer vacations, this one needed more time. That is, I needed more time. You would have thought the conventional wisdom about a week to unwind, another to relax, and a third to prepare posts would have been more than enough, mais au contraire.
This was due, in large part, to a play I wrote years ago suddenly coming to life again and needing editing, and a part-time job at a big-box home retailer that I have a feeling will provide rich material for this site. Just have a look at the photo below, taken yesterday from a display. In regard to the message, I’m waiting for a customer to ask me a question about full immersion.
Why the part-time work when I have more than enough writing to do? The honest truth (as opposed to the fake one) is that the extra money helps with things like mortgage, car repair, and judo mats in the yard for when the dojo comes over for a barbeque. I’m not kidding about any of that. I dread eight-hour shifts but often work only four hours, which I can now do standing on my head. I’m sure some of my managers are convinced that is exactly how I do them, my retail sales experience being limited to this recent job and working on Black Friday at Macy’s in Herald Square. It’s still too early to talk about that, but if anyone is interested, they can go to The Magic of Macy’s or Macy’s Window and Public Penance for some of the story.
I’m also loath to take anything out of savings unless absolutely necessary. It’s one of those things you don’t actually face until retirement. Up to that point, it’s more of an academic exercise than anything else: numbers and graphs from an investment bank. Think of a king in his counting house, counting out his money. With the market the way it is, I have been doing a fair amount of counting, thankfully.
Rest assured that future posts will provide that same “mix of wry observation, cultural commentary, and personal storytelling” you have come to expect, delivered with “a blend of humor, insight, and a touch of irreverence that makes readers smirk and think.” And let’s not forget that dash of panache–the twist or zinger at the end, much like a parable. I got all of that from GPT-5, which apparently is a fan, although I didn’t ask for a critique of the blog. I’m not ready to be judged by AI. Real people are enough.
In the meantime, I worked with those marvelous technicians at WordPress and added a “Related” posts feature to the end of individual posts. If you like it, let me know. If not, I can only tell you that I have been through so many iterations of the site that the people at WordPress have asked to use my comments in their marketing. “Sure,” I told them, but I’d like a discount on services. How about a parking spot?
I guess for the time being I’m better than AI, even without dunking my head in cold water.
Image credits: Aidin Geranrekab. Want more? Click on “Amazon” for other publications or go to Robert Brancatelli. Visit other blog readers under “Who You Are.” Comment by clicking on “Leave a Reply” below, or contact us through the Contact tab above. Happy Birthday to the twins.
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Glad to have you back in our orbits, Rob. A couple of comments:
Just came back from a week’s vacation at a very nice resort – lots to enjoy and do, in the company of spouse, adult children and grandchildren. I turn 77 this month, and playing with the little ones made me feel every day of it. Home now, and I need a rest – from vacations, from grandchildren, from golf, from my blues groups, from frankly everything that (although wonderful in themselves) prevents me from reading and writing to the extent that I desire. Maybe that’s why I like autumn. The golf goes away, even if the grandchildren don’t (but I can see they are growing up, and no longer hold me in quite the awe they once did; it happens to every generation).
Secondly, about money. I spent my whole life working and adding money to “the pile”. The pile was used for kids’ educations, houses, cars, and planning for my own retirement. Now that the kids are creating their own piles, I am suddenly in the process of taking money off my pile for living expenses – and it absolutely freaks me out. Even though that’s what the damn pile is there for.
I have a therapist friend who tells me this is very common – especially among men, and also among those with larger piles (there must be a better way to phrase that).
Anyway, nice to have you back!
Very interesting, Vic. I think your comments reinforce what I have just come to learn: retirement isn’t an easy stage in life. It has to be approached delicately, sincerely, and courageously. In other words, it’s about settling into a different flow, kind of like immersing your head in cold water…Thanks for the thoughts.
Am so glad you’re back! Maybe I could move back to California (No. NO. NO!! Aaarrrghhh!!), and split an eight hour shift with you?
Nice to be missed. Don’t move back to California under any circumstances…unless I move to Florida. But I can’t. I’ve seen too many YouTube videos of giant alligators waddling down the street like Buicks. I would like exhibition baseball, though…
Month of March. Come stay with us for a few days. Orioles, Phillies, Yankees, Blue Jays, Braves, and Rays all within driving distance of our home on Siesta Key.
And I have yet to see an alligator.
Wow! Ok.
Welcome back, Rob! Enjoyable column, as expected, but I really can’t stop giggling about “Submerge head in cold water before use”; I think I could have avoided many mistakes if I’d followed this simple tip!
Right. There’s nothing like a cold shower…
Forgot to mention that submerging your head in water reminded me of Curly separating two eggs…yuk, yuk, yuk…