Just Say No

I’m not trying to be negative, especially in the New Year. Really, I’m not. But I have to admit I came up with a resolution of sorts that leans in that direction. How far in that direction? you ask. Leaning Tower of Pisa far. It’s about saying “no.” My resolution is to say no to people, places, and things that I don’t want to be involved with anymore, especially if it’s out of a sense of duty or obligation. I call this my “anti-noun” resolution.

“People” is an obvious choice, since I’ve noticed lately that there are quite a few who are consumers, not producers. That is, they consume as much time, energy, and attention as they can get while giving little back in return. I’ve seen this in practice. They don’t produce anything but will make demands on you as long as you are willing to give in to them. They play home games, meaning they never venture beyond their own concerns and interests but stay where they feel most comfortable. I’m not sure they are aware of their behavior. I’d like to think that they aren’t and that if they were, they’d stop.

“Places” are part of this, since I’ve lived long enough to know where I want to live and the types of places I enjoy visiting. Of course, that also includes the opposite. I don’t like places where the crowds or vibe are très cool. I don’t want the pressure of trying to keep up. Plus, these places almost always disappoint, especially restaurants.

I’ll never forget the “pairing” at a Northern California winery once with what they called arancini. Normally, arancini are large, fried balls of risotto. These looked like chicken tenders. If the winery had pulled that in the Bronx, they would have had a riot on their hands. I know that sounds elitist, but people on Arthur Avenue take their fried risotto seriously. Also, somebody else paid for the trip, so I had to go. He went on and on about the winery, so I kept my mouth shut. I guess you could say I was bought off. That makes me the kind of person I want to stay away from by my own admission. So I am a hypocrite as well as an arancini snob.

“Things,” too, are easy because I am a minimalist. I have the same stoic attitude toward things and possessions that I have toward food and places. For instance, a friend had to show me his new Tesla and how it can go from zero to five hundred in like two seconds. Once the demo was over and I had a chance to realign my spine, I told him how cool it was. Actually, I couldn’t wait to get out of the car. I didn’t even own a car until I moved back to California. Now I use it to go to and from boxing practice.

I read the other day that there is a new approach to healing among some medical researchers in which no treatment is prescribed. Instead, the patient is left to fight off the disease without the aid of invasive procedures. In a surprising number of cases, this “treatment” works, which is to say the body heals itself over time.

I can’t comment either way except to say that I had a Volkswagen bus once that had all kinds of problems, from its fuel injectors to its electrical and exhaust systems. I never had enough money on hand to get everything fixed all at once, so I did the next best thing. I ignored it, hoping the problem would go away. The upshot of my experiment, unlike Hawthorne’s Dr. Rappaccini, was that the bus repaired itself each time and lived to a ripe old age, putt-putt-puttering all around town.

I am not a medical expert and do not discount the need for pharmaceuticals, especially when pain is involved. In fact, see Romancing the Stone for my experience with kidney stones and the welcome relief of morphine. “Keep it coming!” I cried at the ER staff. But I feel somewhat vindicated in my attitude of just saying no, since this is an instance of going against conventional wisdom.

Without getting hyperbolic (far be it from me), I’d go as far as to claim that saying no defines a way of life, a spirituality of simplicity. It is the opposite of Fear-Of-Missing-Out (FOMO), because it recognizes that we already have everything we need right under our noses. I don’t know about you, but in my case, that’s quite a lot.

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Image credits: feature by Debby Urken; “No” by Gemma Evans. Want more? Go to Robert Brancatelli. The Brancatelli Blog is a member of The Free Media Alliance, which promotes “alternatives to software, culture, and hardware monopolies.”