De Gustibus

I have a fruitcake in the back of my refrigerator. It’s been there for a year, maybe longer. I’m pretty sure I got it last year from one of my daughters, since they know I like fruitcake. But it could be from the year before that. It’s a pretty fruitcake as fruitcakes go. It contains pineapple, cherries, raisins, walnuts, pecans, and batter “enriched with bourbon, rum & brandy.”

That’s my kind of fruitcake, although I don’t know why they used the ampersand (&). Maybe they thought it was cute or rustic like “Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese.” They marketed the fruitcake as being “like Grandma made.” It’s from the Beatrice Bakery in Beatrice, Nebraska, so it’s possible that the original baker was, indeed, a grandma named Beatrice. They’ve been baking fruitcakes since 1917.

The box, which is a square seven inches all around and just over two inches deep, states in uppercase letters that the fruitcake contains “NO CITRON & NO ORANGE PEEL.” I’m not sure what that’s about. It could be that people are being born now with allergies to citrus the way they have allergic reactions to nuts. I don’t know. Again with the ampersand.

It used to be you could eat nuts on the plane without flight attendants descending on you like seagulls on a discarded hamburger bun. Now, it would be even worse if they caught you with a wedge of fruitcake. I’m talking about both flight attendants and seagulls, although no offense meant against either. I’ve always thought citrus was a nice touch. Kind of like oranges in your stocking.

Finally, the box states that all of the ingredients are “processed in USA,” so you can take some comfort in that as you indulge the holiday treat at 170 calories per slice. You may think that’s rich but compared with desserts at a place like The Cheesecake Factory, it’s practically health food. Not only do I thoroughly enjoy fruitcake, but I feel I have a personal responsibility to eat it and sing its praises as a holiday tradition. That is, not only did my daughter buy it for me, but it cost $49.99!

I hope she got it on sale. I think they were distributed by Macy’s, which has got a coupon for every item you could possibly imagine and then some. Having worked the floor there on Black Friday one year (see “Lessons from Retail”), I wouldn’t put it past them. If so, good for my daughter. If not, I hope at least she acquired the fruitcake the way Johnny Carson described it on the The Tonight Show. According to Carson, there’s really only one fruitcake that people keep passing around until it comes back to them.

There is a social dimension to this. I don’t mean caroling or visiting friends and family. I’m talking about socioeconomic distinctions. The healthier a food is, with fewer processed ingredients and intended for smaller markets, the more it costs. That prices out many families who would never think of spending $49.99 for something that sits in the back of the refrigerator. If they buy fruitcake at all, it’s the cheaper version made with processed ingredients, toxic dyes, and preservatives that give it a shelf life of years. You could keep it in the closet or use it as a door stopper. Notice, too, that haute cuisine fruitcakes don’t look like anything you’d buy at a discount store (see above). Instead, they’d look right at home on The Great British Baking Show.

There is also linguistic corollary. The standard industrial fruitcake with all those wonderfully candied fruits and nuts is referred to as “fruitcake.” Not so its well-heeled cousin, which is known as “fruit cake.” That is, it’s a cake that happens to contain fruit. It just as easily could have been a tart with caramelized apple, pastry cream, or custard. I won’t turn away either one, of course–especially the tart–but I prefer fruitcake. I want something weighty enough to write home about. Then again, I have a two-foot red Christmas tree with white lights and silver balls on my piano. It’s quite a sight.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

Image credits: Frosty Ilze; Anshu A; Monika Grabkowska; Massimo Virgilio; Getty Images. Want more? Go to Robert Brancatelli. The Brancatelli Blog is a member of The Free Media Alliance, which promotes “alternatives to software, culture, and hardware monopolies.” NB: Beatrice Bakery is not a sponsor of The Brancatelli Blog and paid no money for the mention. Of course, we could be open to sponsorship. Just let us know.